You Let Your Kid Read That Stuff?

I’ve been asked this question a few times recently: “You let your kid read that smut?” In short, YES. And, for the record, if you call it “smut” and you’re not saying it as part of a, “ha-ha I’m in the smutty group so I can call it that,” kinda way, we’re going to have words. Romance novels are not smut. They’re beautifully written, well thought out stories, with varying levels of sexual explicitness. Romance authors put a lot of time and effort into their writing. A LOT! Please don’t cheapen their talents, or the reading choices of millions of people, with crass overgeneralizations.

Now that we have that out of the way, the longer version of my “YES”: I have 2 kids- I refer to them as “The Spawns” because it’s gender neutral and fun. Both are teens, and at the time of this publication one is 14 and the other is 17. And I do not in any way limit what they read. I find it interesting that many of the same people who look at me with judgmental eyes for letting my 17-year-old read Romance Novels are the same people who have zero qualms about their even younger teens watching “Game of Thrones.” Or violent movies. And I have to wonder, why are we more willing to sensor books with graphic sex in them than media with graphic violence? I think I know the reason societally, but for now, I’m just going to lay out why I make the choices I make for my family.

The Hubster and I have always had an open discussion policy with our spawns about sex, love, and relationships. We’re openly affectionate with each other and do our best to model a healthy relationship so the spawns recognize one when they experience it for themselves. They’ve known from a very young age that they can and should feel comfortable talking with us about any concerns they have. We’ve had numerous conversations about when and how sex is a positive element of a relationship. But we can only show them one type of relationship, and there are so many others out there. And you know where I’ve found them? In books. Yep. I have found beautiful representations of all kinds of healthy relationships in Romance Novels.

I know not all book-based relationships are realistic. And yes, I am well aware that Romance Novels are fiction. That does not in any way diminish the examples authors set within their books. Do I expect either of my spawns to meet a billionaire, be swept off their feet, and whisked away to some lavish lifestyle? Nope. I mean, I wouldn’t be angry if it did happen, but anyway I digress… But, that doesn’t mean there isn’t value in the undertones and overall themes of books with that storyline. There is so much diversity in the themes and tropes of Romance Novels that it’s nearly impossible to read a variety of authors and not encounter a variety of relationship styles and struggles.

Something I have noticed in the books my older spawn and I love to read: the female characters are strong and independent. They’re capable of speaking up for themselves, and making their own decisions. They fight their own battles. And they care deeply for others. Personally, I’m ecstatic that my kids both gravitate to that model. It’s important that they recognize that character archetype and find the value in novels and authors that sustain it.

We also really like LGBTQ+ romance novels. When both of The Spawns came out as LGBTQ+, we celebrated their recognition of their own identities and sexual orientations. And while I can only model the relationship I’m in, they get a view of a wonderful kaleidoscope of relationships that they may themselves experience one day through many of the novels we read. After reading Love Always Wild, and getting multiple recommendations for reading Let There Be Light by A.M. Johnson, I recommended LTBL to older spawn. She read it right away and absolutely loved it! And then went on to read the second novel in the duet (which is not LGBTQ+ based), Seven Shades of You.

Now that I’ve read them both as well, I can see why she devoured them both so quickly. And I love love LOVE being able to talk with her about those books and why they’re relevant; not just for their subject matter, but for their literary value. The imagery, dialogue, and flow in both novels is extraordinary. Seriously, as a former high school English teacher, if I could assign those books, I would. But I couldn’t (not even for my seniors), so I wouldn’t. But they would be lower on the DNF list than anything any of my students ever read. And a hell of a lot more relevant than anything typically assigned. In a bit of a reversal, older spawn has been pushing me to read one of her favorite novels, Red, White, and Royal Blue, since she finished the last page. Guess what’s sitting on my nightstand waiting for me?

So is the hang-up around me letting my teens read Romance Novels due to the perceived lack of realistic relationships? Or is it the sex? Because if it’s about the sex, then let’s talk about that. People have sex. And I’m not naïve enough to think my teens haven’t already thought about it, asked their friends about it, googled it, … And if they haven’t, they will. And they’re going to find the information one way or another. So why shouldn’t they enjoy a good story in the process. After all, not all sexual experiences start and end with the pizza man.

Bottom line, yes, I let my child read this “smut” that I enjoy so much. I know Romance Novels get a bad rap, condescendingly referred to as “mommy porn,” (oh, and please DO NOT google that phrase anywhere in public) but the opinion of people with minds that small are not going to sway my decision of what I allow or encourage my kids to read. And I’m going to take it one step further. My older spawn is joining me for Indies Invade Philly. Where she can be immersed in the culture of wonderful authors who write incredible fiction and the amazing people who love to read their books.