I Read Because Punching People is Frowned Upon

I’m seriously embracing the “I (read, knit, craft, do karate) because punching people is frowned upon” dogma this week. It’s my own fault. I spent too much time online and fell into the comment trap. You know, the one where you read something that really frustrates you, gets your hackles up, and makes you want to scream and throw things.

I know you’re probably screaming at me through your screen right now that I should just stay off-line. Just keep scrolling. Just whatever. I could. I know that, but I didn’t. And let me tell you why…

1. I like spending time in the groups I’ve joined. For the most part, people are nice, the tone is light, the conversations revolve around the books we’re reading, the authors we’re following, what we’re having for dinner, ….. And I enjoy having that in my life to balance the other stuff going on in my world.

2. Not everything can just be scrolled by, ignored, etc. Some things should be addressed. Especially in cases when the person being discussed isn’t there or can’t defend themselves. Everyone needs to know people have their back.

So what did I do. I engaged. And then I got increasingly frustrated and realized I needed to take a break. So I ate. And I read. I listened to an audiobook while knitting. I considered yoga, but laziness kicked in, so instead I talked separately with people outside of the groups about what was happening to get their input on a few things. And I wrote. And I wondered why those posts affected me so much. Why was I able to scroll past any number of other obnoxious posts but not these?

Was it because they aligned closely with my personal values and experiences? Or was it because I was hungry, and tired, and anxious already and they triggered my need to defend and protect. Probably a bit of both. Here’s the thing: I discovered that the situations I felt most inclined to respond to connected with the books I’ve been reading. The books I once considered to be escapism fluff are quite often addressing the very topics I’m frustrated by: judgmentalism, bullying, self-esteem issues. I retreat to those books to help me disconnect from the reality of that chaos on-line, but then they spur my need to become involved in these issues in real life. I just don’t see that happening from mindless fluff. Huh. Interesting.

One of the reasons I avoided romance books for so long was my fear of judgement, but another big reason was my misconception that it was all unrealistic situations and meaningless sex. And yeah, those books exist, but the ones I gravitate to have a deep thematic resonance to real life. Even in the PNR books I read first, there were elements of social and personal struggles for acceptance that I could identify with. And the deeply personal connections the characters forged with each other mirrored connections I have with close friends and family. And the desire to protect others evident in the stories is pretty well in-line with how I feel about the people I care about. Well, actually, people in general. It’s interesting, when students at the martial arts school where I teach are tested for rank advancement, one of the questions we ask them is why they train. I would estimate more than half of them say it’s to protect themselves and others. Themselves AND others. And I always smile when I think of all the new protectors we’re releasing into the world. They don’t train to become selfish rage monsters. They train to protect. And that’s why I engaged with those conversations online. I foster a protector instinct in so many aspects of my life, it’s very hard to step away from it. There’s a difference in my mind between arguing for argument’s sake and engaging to protect or defend someone or something. Because it’s not always a person I feel like I’m defending or protecting. Sometimes it’s an idea, concept, or personal value. And I see those elements as just as important as the people I know.

It’s really hard for me to exist in an isolation bubble. And quite honestly, I don’t want to. And if that trait expresses itself online versus in person, is it any less valid? Should it be easier to walk away from if I can just close a window on my phone or computer? Maybe it is easier, physically, but is it better emotionally? For me? For the others involved? There are enough keyboard warriors who sit behind screens and use their anonymity to attack others. Shouldn’t those being attacked have allies online to defend them, too? Sometimes it really is better to keep scrolling. But sometimes that instinct to engage is too strong. It may come back and bite me in the ass, but at least I know I tried to do what I felt was right. And when I don’t want to, can’t, or really shouldn’t engage, there’s always a good book waiting to talk me off the ledge. Because randomly punching people is frowned upon.