Anxiety Smackdown: The Indies Invade Philly Event Version- PART 2

(If you're just joining us, and you haven't read Part 1, you can find it here: https://brayzenbookwyrm.wixsite.com/bookblog/post/anxiety-smackdown-the-indies-invade-philly-event-version-part-1)

When you find your tribe, things just fall into place. And my tribe arrived just before noon. The Girl Gang is a group of readers who fangirl author Janice Whiteaker (aka Jemma Westbrook and Josie Watts). It’s a term she originated in her books to describe the heroines in multiple books of a series who band together to support each other. Because having the heroes there to help them is great, but in the end these women save themselves, each other, their men, and the day. Kinda like what Janice and her fangirls do for each other. I’ve developed friendships with so many Girl Gang members on-line, but never met them in person. And they’ve been with me through some serious ish. Some from the next state over, others from countries scattered around the world. We gathered in the lobby to meet, many of us meeting each other for the first time in person. There were hugs. And screams of joy. And tears. And gifts! Janice brought gift bags of goodies for us. And I cried, because for me the most amazing gifts were their hugs and just being in their physical presence.

Together, in true Girl Gang style, we put together a plan of attack for session 2. Everyone got up and went to stand in line to register. And I balked. People had started lining up to register an hour before the session opened. There were so many people I couldn’t see the front or the end of the line from where I was sitting. I didn’t see this part for session 1 because I intentionally arrived late to avoid the entrance crowd. Seeing all of those people lined up ramped my anxiety to a level I was actually terrified of. I took some calming breaths, drank some soda, and took out my knitting to center and calm myself. I dropped multiple stitches. Good thing I wasn’t too attached to that project. It’s gonna be a definite frog and restart. I waited for the line to disappear, got my shit together, and walked to the registration table with my family who had just arrived to join me for session 2. I honestly do not remember a lot of session 2. It seemed more crowded than session 1. But that may have just been my perception because I was already anxious.

The amazing Julie C (Girl Gang member Supreme) had already grabbed wrist bands for me for Claire, Lucy, Pippa, Amy, and the narrators. *Breathing a bit easier* Older spawn, sister, and I went straight to A.M. Johnson’s table to chat and take pictures. Then back to Avery’s table for pictures. I was NOT leaving without a picture with Avery! Then back out to the hallway. *Regoup. Breathe* The Girl Gang was back out there, too, so we all took some time to chat. Janice spent close to 30 minutes sitting on the floor with my older spawn and niece, both aspiring writers, talking with them about elements of becoming an indie author; everything from cover design, to marketing, to promotions, to building an audience were discussed. Ah-ma-zing! Honestly, freaking amazing- not just the info, but that Janice took that time to connect and communicate with them. She is a true gem, a wonderful resource, and an incredible friend.

Calm somewhat restored, we ventured back in. My number was called for the narrators, so I hustled over and got into line, right behind Nicole M. Another calm in my storm. Made it through the line, got lots of signatures, engaged in really wonderful conversations, and left without a single picture. Of the narrators, or Nicole. Because, yeah, that. But, I did get a picture with Amy Daws, who is another beautiful human and amazing author. And wow is she tall! She towered over me just like Avery did. Although the frizz was pretty tall by then, so I don’t look quite as short as I really am. That left Claire, Lucy, and Pippa. I got in Claire’s line first. Because, she’s Claire Kingsley. And her PAs Nikki and Alex were with her. I was not leaving without meeting them, and I was really close to my breaking point.

I stood in line for Claire Kingsley for probably 45 minutes. Every minute of it completely 100% worth it. To meet Claire, have her sign my books, get a hug from her, and take a picture (you bet your ass I remembered this time!): priceless. And icing on the cake. I got to meet, chat with, and take a picture with the Supreme Queens of Claire’s Alpha Ever After Facebook group: Nikki and Alex. Trust me when I tell you, Nikki and Alex are celebs in their own rights. And they are really wonderful people. To end my day at IIP with hugs from Claire, Nikki, and Alex was definitely a highlight of the weekend.

And yes, I did end my day there. Because it was already 5pm. And even though I still hadn’t met or gotten signatures or pictures from Lucy Score or Pippa Grant, I was accepting that I had reached my limit. Their lines were still snaking around the venue. And after hearing that Lucy was there until 7pm, still signing, I knew I had made the correct decision for me for this event. Once I started to descend from my euphoria of meeting everyone, I realized all I’d had to eat that day was a crepe at breakfast and cliff bar at lunch. I had emptied but never refilled my 30oz Yeti cup, and drank less than half of a 20oz soda. I had over 10,000 steps for the day, and it was only 5pm. And I still had to walk back to the hotel, drop off my books, and find somewhere to eat dinner. And I was crashing. Hard. Impending hangry meltdown acknowledged, it was time to go.

I’m sad I didn’t get to meet two of my favorites, but I’m going to choose not to focus on that. There will be other events and I will make it a priority to see them first. I’m going to focus on the authors and narrators I was able to see and get signatures from, and appreciate the time and effort of everyone at every table whether I interacted with them or not. I’m going to focus on the volunteers and organizers who made an event this big possible through their leg work, sleepless nights, and willingness & ability to deal with all the things. I’m going to focus on the fellow fangirls (and fanguys) I connected with, and make sure I’m better prepared to find everyone next time. Because there were people there I really wanted to meet that I didn’t get a chance to. Some of it was just the sheer numbers of people. Some of it was the timing of it all. And my focus was really narrow, literally. It was hard to scan the crowd for people I only knew from pictures on FB, who were all wearing masks, while I was also trying to keep my anxiety in check, and decide which direction to go next to maximize the time & energy I had available. And scanning the room, which I did try once, did not help in the anxiety department, so I stopped that really quick.

I did leave with two very memorable experiences that had nothing to do with the actual signing. The first was dinner Saturday night with Julie & Susy (and their husbands). These are two people I’ve become very close to over the past 18 months. People I connected with through the Girl Gang. They’ve been with me through some serious ish, always on-line. And Saturday night, we were sitting around the same table, eating Italian food, and talking about the day. We experienced IIP together, we were in the same room. We hung out in the lobby together, but this dinner was an element of the true point of this entire event for me. This friendship. This time of laughter and storytelling, and just being. It was extremely special to me. The second experience was meeting Rhon & Marie after dinner for drinks at the hotel. Rhon has been my lifeline through some rough stuff, again always on-line. And Marie, although a newer on-line friend, has been a solid presence in the group reaching out and supporting me in my blogging efforts and life in general. Laughing with Rhon and Marie over drinks, talking about our lives, books, the event, it was really special to me and forged a connection that while it started strong on-line is even stronger now for having that time together.

While I did forget to get pictures of us at the event, Julie, Susy, and I got a picture at dinner. And I got a picture with Rhon and Marie the next morning. And as I was heading back up the elevator from meeting Rhon and Marie in the lobby, narrator Aaron Shedlock walked out of the elevator I was waiting for. So I ended my IIP experience with a crazy fangirl moment and asked him for a selfie with me. Friday before IIP me never would have done that. So, hello Post-IIP Me! Take that anxiety!